


for the boy with sad eyes

by thotticus (anuwosiris)



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:14:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23998111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anuwosiris/pseuds/thotticus
Summary: this isn't made to be seen but if it is then that's okay.i had a breakup in February but its hitting now in May.this is about that.he had eyes that slanted down and they're so pretty. he's so pretty. but he doesn't like me anymore.this is how i cope.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. 4/3/2020

this has been bothering me since yesterday. i keep thinking about when Gabe took me and Mel to see him. i hadn't seen him in so long, and he looked so happy to see me. i remember how nervous i was.

it makes me want to cry.

as fast as i can remember the tears, i can forget them like it never happened. like none of it happened. the calls, the texts, the car rides, dates, going to his house during school... i forget it and start liking him again like before. he's pretty and nice, but ive already been there. why does my heart want to go back?

it makes me cry.


	2. pretty eyes

pretty, pretty boy  
pretty sad eyes  
and wide smiles

your eyes are sad  
but mine have the tears  
my heart is hurt  
and so full of fear

i can't tell if i ever loved you -  
i loved your eyes  
when you watched the road  
and held my hand  
and smiled when you caught me  
staring at you

but i don't love how im crying  
remembering you


	3. soul

my soul hurts so much  
im sure  
i have one now

i thought i didn't have one but

there's no denying it now  
not with how it aches and makes me cry

i feel alive in the worst way


	4. kisses

a kiss from you would help so much right now.

i don't like kisses  
but i like you  
maybe it could help

maybe just a little


	5. i miss last week

i miss last week  
when i felt nothing

i miss complaining about being empty  
instead of complaining about missing you

i was just showering and remembered  
that you saw what i looked like under my clothes  
remembering how i felt in the moment  
made me so nervous,  
and anxious,  
that you might still remember how i sound,  
that i bit off all my nails.  
i was growing them out.

i miss last week.


	6. put simply, i miss you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im crying rn so im not proofreading it sorry

i miss your laugh  
when i say something funny

i miss your smile  
when you would look at me

i miss your eyes  
when you looked into mine

i miss the way my eyes used to capture your beauty  
as if they were cameras  
how ill never forget  
the way your eyes squint a little when you concentrate  
or how beautiful you look in stage

ill never forget  
seeing you perform  
doing what you love  
and enjoying life

ill never forget  
how bright the future seemed when i was with you

ill never forget  
how you always kissed me at red lights  
and never let go of my hand

i wish that i could  
forget it all

but you were the sun after months and months of darkness

i can't forget you that easily  
and  
i dont know  
if i ever will.


	7. this one time we were on the phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> still crying, ill edit them later

there was this one night  
that you called me

we talked about a whole bunch of nothing

i remember  
you were driving to Wal-Mart to get some stuff  
but you didnt want to hang up

so we stayed on the phone while you drove there

i remember  
you telling me  
how people were giving you looks  
because it looked like you were talking to yourself

i asked  
"do you want to hang up and call when you get to your car?"  
i remember  
you said  
"nah, fuck em, im talking to my girl"

and i remember  
on your way back home  
i got sad,  
for no reason

i wanted to hang up  
but you heard the pain in my voice  
and understood when i said  
i didn't know why i was sad

i remember  
you stayed on the phone even after i stopped crying  
i remember  
how you were calm  
and told me it was okay

and then it was

i wish you would call and tell me it's gonna be okay right now  
but i know

you won't.


	8. speaking of calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;( crying still, kinda spamming now

speaking of calls

i remember  
most of all  
the one that started everything

not our first call,  
not the second,  
but the third

the one on new years

yeah i texted you happy years  
and you sent one back an hour later

i thought too much about it being late  
but whatever

then you ask to call  
i remember i said  
"sure but give me a minute"  
and you called the second i sent it

you were drunk  
you sounded so cute  
god it makes me cry now but at the time it made me smile so big

you went on this whole rant  
that it was us until the end of time  
how i was your "co-pilot"  
"anywhere i go, you're comin with me"  
"youre gonna be best friends with my family"  
i remember

and i met your mom, grandma, grandpa, sister and brother,  
your best friends and closest cousins  
they all liked me

or maybe they didn't

guess neither of us are going anywhere then  
i just hope you werent lying when you said all those things when you were drunk on new years

i used to brag about it  
guess i still am

i miss you


	9. close

i think the thing i miss most is how close we were  
not spiritually  
because i know we didnt know each other like that  
but our bodies were close  
all the time

i love physical contact  
and you gave it to me every time i saw you

it was rare we weren't holding hands  
or cuddling  
or touching somehow

i miss our bodies touching  
in a non-sexual and pure way  
just  
existing next to each other  
until we melted  
and moved as one

i miss it so much  
i can still remember how it felt  
how everything felt

your hands on mine  
on my waist  
on my throat  
on my heart

i remember everything so clearly  
until my tears blur everything again


	10. past midnight

i sleep all day  
and wake up in the evening  
and  
the thought of you doesn't come to bother me  
until everyones asleep  
and it's past midnight

then i spend the night  
trying to get you out of my head  
but it usually doesnt work  
so i write about it

and then i cry about it

and then i wait for the sun  
to get comfortable in the sky  
so that i can sleep  
all day  
and do it all again  
tomorrow


	11. i liked listening

in other relationships  
i did all the talking

but i love hearing  
what you have to say  
but you don't say   
anything  
to me anymore

okay  
that's a lie  
you talk to me  
when i talk to you

but it's not the same  
its not-  
it's not enough

i love talking to you  
and hearing your thoughts  
both the thought-provoking  
and the stupid jokes

im not sure why  
but it was always my favorite  
when you talked for hours  
and hours on end  
about a passion you had

i miss that  
i miss listening to you  
i liked listening to you


	12. perverted by elita

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> definitely my worst so far but it's bugging me to write about it

there are so many songs  
that remind me of you  
i get why for most

but  
not with perverted

it's dark  
but soothing  
maybe it's because  
you soothed me  
and i always feel like a villain in some way

"i want you  
to  
stab me with your knife  
it feels the same  
as  
when you're  
inside"

those lines  
being you to my mind  
specifically

i can't understand why

and honestly  
i feel guilty for it

im sorry


End file.
